How Lucifer got His Job

Lucifer gets his job

In the beginning, God was feeling unfulfilled, so he created Angels to observe and adore him and his creation. Yet he could not really trust the approbation of an audience created for that specific purpose; it seemed a fraud. He knew wholehearted adoration could only come from a being with free will. To create one would mean a lot of extra work. Angels were simple celestial beings. This new creature would require an entirely different habitat. It would need a place to reside, and a whole pantheon of plants and animals to support its survival. As it is written, the hardest part of was separating the lights from darks; the rest was a wash... God saw and was pleased. 

Man was made of clay; and tweaked to produce free will. He was given a sense of entitlement, and pride was added; insight deleted and solipsism added to give to eliminate empathy. 

For a while, everything went as designed. God received man's wholehearted adoration. Then slowly Man's adoration became sporadic and anemic. Asked why, Man said that he was grateful to God for making him, and for making creation for his needs, but he had a sense of incompleteness. A bit of ennui; like something was missing. Later, while being adored by Angels, God mused about this hitch in the new creation. Thus setting in motion a chain of events that shattered paradise.

After the adoration session, God's senior angels, Lucifer and Raphael talked of God's current concern. Lucifer, a big kiss ass, saw a chance to get in good with God. He noted to Raphael how moody the boss was when things weren't going his way, and suggested they help God out with this little task. Raphael cautioned Lucifer about overstepping bounds. That they were not made to think independently. Lucifer ignored Raphael's advice and went ahead with the plan. 

Lucifer reasoned that angels had other angels and were happy, therefore all that was needed was to create another human. Lucifer began. Clay had been used in building Man. Material left over from Man was at hand. Lucifer, with a bit of artistic talent; designed a rounded and streamlined body. This svelte look was enhanced when Lucifer put the dangly bits on the inside instead of on the outside. This efficient design made other enhancements possible. Lucifer used Man's extraneous parts. The creature received: Insight, empathy, intuition, and patience. When he was done he felt a sense of pride. This was much better than the original. With that thought in mind, Lucifer called the creation Woman.

He brought the woman to earth and introduced her to the man. The man was delighted. He had a friend, a partner, and a confidant that was smarter than he, yet was too clever to tell him. Also, if he didn't agree with what she said he was always bigger. 

Lucifer thought his project successful So He invited God for a look. God at first seemed pleased and noted the man's silly smile, and soon showed interest in the couple's interchanges. When the woman made a brilliant observation, but gave the man credit for it. God's continence changed from amused to stormy. God turned away and as he did so he looked over his shoulder and said to Lucifer, "We've got to talk."

Lucifer scampered after God to Paradise. He obsequiously approached God in concern. God scowled; Lucifer cringed. Do you know what you have done, Lucifer?, God roared. 

I am the supreme being, hence anything I do must be the best. This is the premise upon which all creation is based. You have improved upon one of my creations thus destabilizing all existence. I must set this right. You did this; you're on the hook for it. I'm establishing a new department it's far away from the corridors of power. Further, I've named you the supervising director of it for eternity. From now on anything that doesn't perform as I've created it, and that doesn't enhance my glory is your fault. I will punish you mightily for it. Lucifer was aghast. Come on, blame the woman; she's the one that turned out so well. God grimaced and said, "Don't you think being given a man as a partner is punishment enough?" Then Lucifer fell.