My Latest Career Aspiration

Congratulate me . I’ve sent these letters to the DNC and RNC, and will soon start my rise to political prominence. I’m sure I’ll get at least a House seat, but I am doubtful of reaching the Senate this go around. There just isn’t enough time to sell out the country enough for admission to this August body.

April 1, 2020

Republican National Committee

Washington DC

Subject: Application for candidacy in any Republican State or Federal office.

Dear Sir:

I feel I am quite well-qualified to be considered for candidacy for any office you may select for me. Throughout my life, I have honed the skills necessary to keep our party in power. Below I have listed a few of my political strengths, and I humbly aver that I am truly proficient in all those listed and many more as well.

I am against every idea. I get an agreement by pointing out common enemies. I attack the person rather than the argument. I use hyperbole well. I only listen to Patriot radio and watch Fox News. Anecdotal information is the only science I would ever use. Though I've already stated it above, I wish to emphasize these are just a few of my abilities, but most of them should not be committed to paper or recorded. 

Most importantly, I truly believe the Right is always right.

Respectfully submitted,

E. Tellefsen

April 1, 2020

Democratic  National Committee

Washington DC

Subject: Application for candidacy in any Democratic State or Federal office.

Hi guys,:

I feel I am somewhat qualified to be considered for candidacy for any office you may select for me. Throughout my life, I have practiced the skills necessary to keep the party in power. I have listed a few of my spiritual strengths, and I humbly aver that I am truly proficient in all those listed and many more as well.

I am for every idea proposed regardless of cost or efficacy. I get an agreement from others  by pointing out our common guilt. I attack the system rather than the argument. I use hyperbole well. I only listen to NPR radio and watch MSNBC News. Anecdotal information is my only science when it involves the environment. Though I've already stated it above, I wish to emphasize these are just a few of my abilities, but most of them should not be committed to paper or recorded as I might be accused of elitism. 

Most importantly, I truly believe the Left is right.

Warmly submitted,

Eddie