The Quarantine

This quarantine has given me an unwanted gift of too much space for quiet reflection. 

Lately, I’m feeling stuck. I believe I’m at yet another crossroad in life. This crossroad probably has been triggered by the pandemic and paying too close attention to the political world. No longer marching I write letters, send emails and make phone calls. My voice is quieter. 

This quarantine has given me an unwanted gift of too much space for quiet reflection.

I’ve become an observer of my family. I’m watching them each carve meaningful, successful careers for themselves. I’m listening to their plans for the future with the loves in their lives. I watch them taking care of their families and nurturing lifelong friends. I work on listening and my voice is quiet.

This quarantine has given me an unwanted gift of too much space for quiet reflection. 

Some of my time is spent scrolling through social media voyaging into the lives of people who connect through that media but who I no longer see in person. I want to comment to the posts but see that clicking an icon is the ritual and routine. Am I antisocial? Am I turning into a recluse? Will my voice be heard?

This quarantine has given me an unwanted gift of too much space for quiet reflection.

Ed and I have faced many crossroads in our nearly 58 years together.  We have been in our house for 43 years and it looks as if it will be our forever home. For many years our life has remained consistent with little change. I can’t complain, it’s a good life. So why am I craving change? We hear each other’s voice.

This quarantine has given me an unwanted gift of too much quiet space for reflection.

I always kept a list of to do activities; learn Spanish, learn to play the piano, publish a chapbook. What is on my bucket list now. What do I want to do if I could? Who will hear my voice?

This quarantine has given me an unwanted gift of too much quiet space for reflection. 

I am searching for my voice.